Misc: The LUE Post (warning: high levels of insanity inside)

[mrwiseman]

I think most of us can't access the infamous GameFAQs board, LUE (Life, the Universe and Everything (especially the last), now a seekret board for a select group of a thousand LUEsers).

As you may know or not, this board gets the most posts, the most spam, the most insane stories, and the most random insanity of all the Net.

I think you are losing something if you can't visit it, so in this thread lucky ones will be posting LUE fragments for your enjoyment!

LUEcides, bizarre stories, wholesale insanity, only the best! ^_^

** Warning: The contents of this thread may not be suitable for ages 17 or less. **

<font color="#345E81" size="1">[ November 17, 2004 02:38 PM: Message edited by: -Wiseman- ]</font>

[Xellos]

Ugh Crap...My girlfriend found my hentai collection.
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From: Orochi Norimaro | Posted: 1/12/2004 5:46:44 PM | Message Detail
I was in my room at my computer watching hentai after school when the doorbell rings. I minimize the video and go to answer the door. Turns out it was my girlfriend which is a rare surprise because she always calls before coming over. She says that we haven't talked to each other in a long time. Ya know, the thing girls say all the time even though we talked to each other at school today. I let her in the house and we go up to my room. I was alone before she came inside and she even asked me if I was.

So they we are, the two of us in my room and by ourselves in the house. We talk about stuff for a good 15 minutes even though I don't want to. But by the end of our conversation, she starts cuddling alongside me and starts lightly kissing me. At this point, I knew where this was going and I was getting excited. I tell her to wait for one second while I prepare myself in the washroom.

I'm in there for like 2 minutes and when I come back out, I see her sitting in my chair in front of the comp and I'm thinking, "OH ****!!!" I look at the screen and you guessed it, nekkid anime girls getting ****ed (heh right where I left it too.) She then turns to me with this strange look on her face and says something like, "You like watching naked cartoon girls?" Being at a complete loss for words I ended up blurting out the first thing that came to mind, "Well actually it's called anime not cartoons." At this point, she storms out of the room pushes me aside, goes into the next room and shuts the door. I quickly shut off the computer just to get the hentai out of sight (not that it really mattered anymore). I just sat on my bed waiting for her to come out. I didn't want to say anything because there wasn't much I could say. I didn't want to make things worse by opening my mouth.

About 5 minutes later she opens the door to the room she was in and I was relieved that she was finally coming out. She steps into my room and takes her shirt off. To my surprise, she had drawn stuff all over her boobs and was kind of shoving them in my face saying, "There do you like these boobies now? There's drawings on them. You like that right?" At this point, I'm getting really embarrassed and I'm telling her to put her shirt on so we can sit down and I could explain it to her. She did put on her shirt but then she stormed out of the room again with her stuff. I pleaded with her to just stay but told me to "continue my dirty deeds and go to hell." She found her way to the door without my help needless to say.

Anyway, what the hell do I do now? Is looking at hentai wrong if you have a gf? Ugh, I'm so confused and embarrassed.

[kles]

Hahaha

Whoever that is got owned.

[mrwiseman]

Poor dude, didn't deserve that, what's so bad about hentai? She acted like he were some sort of criminal.

[kles]

http://www.atomicwienerdog.com/uploads/saved.JPG

Works well.

[Xellos]

&lt;-- doesn't get it.

[mrwiseman]

Your typical LUE thread:

[Note: I don't support the opinions posted in here! I think this is all so wrong.]


Thread: How to comfort a crying girl?

From: The Banned Ayatollah | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:08:15 PM | Message Detail
say...she's sobbing on yer shoulder

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From: Dougal | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:08:32 PM | Message Detail
Poke her with j00r wang

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From: psychoj16 | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:08:54 PM | Message Detail
Blunt object to the back of the head works wonders

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From: Dante demon killer | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:08:57 PM | Message Detail
Pinch her bum.

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From: CPS 3 | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:09:45 PM | Message Detail
push her away and punch her in the face for ruining your clothes with her stupid tears.

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From: Kaiju | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:10:29 PM | Message Detail
is she hot?

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From: The Banned Ayatollah | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:10:41 PM | Message Detail
c'mon....u guys are sad...

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From: shy guy | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:10:42 PM | Message Detail
Offer her sex.Taking advantage of a girl at her most vulnerable times is the only way some guys will ever have a chance with a girl.Sex will solve why she's crying and its not like she won't enjoy it for a few seconds.

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From: Dagringo | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:10:46 PM | Message Detail
tell her your sorry and you feel her pain, and then tell her that sucking a **** would make her feel much better

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From: Kaiju | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:13:10 PM | Message Detail
I'm being serious. Is the girl in question hot?

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From: Mojojojo987 | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:16:47 PM | Message Detail
Hold her tight and whisper soothing words to her. Wipe her tears away occasionally and assure her that everything will be okay. Then once her guard is down, slip it inside her.

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From: The Banned Ayatollah | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:16:54 PM | Message Detail
yeah, kinda

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From: Dougal | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:22:02 PM | Message Detail
Hahaha omgwtffurry

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From: The Banned Ayatollah | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:31:09 PM | Message Detail
alrite imma sexx0r her but she can kick my butt, she studies kung fu

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From: cuccoo | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:32:52 PM | Message Detail
just leave her alone. Play some games or something. When she's done go ask her out.

[mrwiseman]

Thread: I made my gf watch PRON!!!*maybe offfensive*

From: shy guy | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:49:01 PM | Message Detail
She knows i watch porn and she's ok with it.One time she was over at my house.We were in my room, i decided to show her a porn movie that my friend let me borrowed.Its one of those hardcore and double penetration stuff.Knowing that my gf has never seen porn before in her life, i thought it was hilarious to see her reaction to watch something that hardcore.She was so grossed out by it and wouldn't look at it.I was LMAO.She still loves me even though i watch porn.I love my gf!

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From: Stairway To Boo | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:50:24 PM | Message Detail
y halo thar suprise pr0n but secks?!?!

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From: Cashew | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:50:27 PM | Message Detail
your not very smart. If you had showed her something a little less hardcore she might have gotten horny and gave you some.

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From: lordofmud | Posted: 1/13/2004 3:53:01 PM | Message Detail
Right! If you go to one of those porn stores you will see a section labled "couples" this is like softcore porn or hardcore that has a little plot and alot of kissing and holding.

Girls like that stuff way more than they watching a girl have DP sex.

It will still be a hard sell.

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From: mrwiseman [yeah that's me] | Posted: 1/13/2004 4:12:24 PM | Message Detail
your not very smart. If you had showed her something a little less hardcore she might have gotten horny and gave you some.

I second that.

I know of girls who prefer hardcore sex and pr0n movies that don't waste time on story. Oh and they consider explicit regular straight sex with only 2 people and no anal/strapons/etc. softcore.

[Xellos]

My sister just pissed on the floor.
RankoChan (32): Board List | Topic List | Post New Message | Log Out | Help
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:46:54 PM | Message Detail
How lovely.
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Jen
From: Gold Mage | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:47:19 PM | Message Detail
She saw Torque didn't she.
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Keyblade ???--?[=]&gt;======??==
FAQs/Guides Contributed: 31 (1318KB)
From: WafflecakeBoy | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:47:38 PM | Message Detail
And what age-frame would we be referring to?
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"I swear my victory to this feather!" -Rygar
There's no 'My Kid Has Cancer' in 'Team' - Jake Dobbins
From: punkrocker99 | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:47:39 PM | Message Detail
lol my sister did that when she came home drunk and my mom was yelling at her.
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"I scored in my own net today. That doesn't help." - Marc Andre Fluery
From: Plushie | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:47:54 PM | Message Detail
EXORCIST'D
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Disclaimer: IANAL - CJayC
Your cookies are not wanted here, leave you pathetic fool.
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:48:09 PM | Message Detail
I don't take her to the movies. She wouldn't sit still.
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Jen
From: Tyrant007 | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:48:13 PM | Message Detail
Nasty/10

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Cut the crap, IBM. Your pseudo-intellectual Linux commercials are about as deep as a bathtub.
From: PJStock 42 | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:48:23 PM | Message Detail
PICS.NOW.
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You are the suck!
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:48:44 PM | Message Detail
She's 4
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Jen
From: M A C | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:48:46 PM | Message Detail
O_O
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Fate determines who comes into our lives.
The heart determines who stays...
From: Spardas Blade | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:48:49 PM | Message Detail
PICS.NOW.
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Whatever "stings for a second" on your face, burns like THE FIERY HOT BLAZES OF HELL on your balls! -richie259 (Referring to aftershave)
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:48:54 PM | Message Detail
I get half!
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!
From: Silverfang | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:48:56 PM | Message Detail
PICS.NOW.
You, not your sister.
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http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/luesignup.asp GO HERE
"Denn die Toten reiten schnell." Dracula by Bram Stoker
From: GameGuy15 | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:49:49 PM | Message Detail
O_O
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PottyTime3-----"poopoobuttworms"
From: TheSoleSurvivor | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:50:19 PM | Message Detail
arent you that girl whose mom told you to get a boob job?
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Battle doesn't need a purpose, battle is a purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns.
Don't ask why I still fight.
From: azzindahouse | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:50:22 PM | Message Detail
You want pics of a 4 year old. Or was that someone else posting?
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'Actually, I asked him and he said he didn't put a virus in it.'
Wow, nothing gets by you, does it? -Half Life 2 board
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:50:23 PM | Message Detail
Ewww. Y'know it's sad when you're obsessed with someone so much, you want her sister's piss. Anyway, no pic for j00.
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Jen
From: Ghost Reeper | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:50:32 PM | Message Detail
I pray for the person who says PICS. NOW.
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Channel: #wtf
From: Isaac89 | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:50:51 PM | Message Detail
Sal, you never cease to amuse me
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"Remember Jerry, It's not a lie- if you believe it"
George Costanza- Seinfeld
From: thenewdarkrealm | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:51:32 PM | Message Detail
Guys, I piss on the floor all the time. It soaks right into the carpet and is no big deal. I don't get any attention for it, why should this 4 year old girl? Lets all get back to our daily business.
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To sum up my life with one emoticon: o_O
From: The Jesster | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:51:33 PM | Message Detail
be careful asking for pics of a 4 year old....Arcon may be lurking....duh duh duuuuhhhhh!
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http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/luesignup.asp
YOUR LAST CHANCE TO JOIN LUE IS JAN 14! JOIN OR BE excLUEded...
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:51:42 PM | Message Detail
Yeah, I think when you want a someone's sister's piss, you're past any sort of measurement.
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:51:47 PM | Message Detail
Yes, my mom told me to get a boob job.
I amuse myself sometimes too. I have to, or I'd go insane.
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Jen
From: alan reap | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:52:32 PM | Message Detail
In all fairness, he only wanted half.
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LUEser for life.
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:53:44 PM | Message Detail
Well how about this. If you clean the piss up, you can keep it all!
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Jen
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:54:28 PM | Message Detail
Hmmm...

Only if we get married again. You can have your stuff back.
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!
From: Sicopath | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:55:16 PM | Message Detail
Was it good?
No, seriously, was it good?

ANSWER ME!!
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I enjoy the activity of defenestrating canine defecant!
From: Spardas Blade | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:55:27 PM | Message Detail
You should of lied to me. Now I feel like R Kelly....
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Whatever "stings for a second" on your face, burns like THE FIERY HOT BLAZES OF HELL on your balls! -richie259 (Referring to aftershave)
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:55:30 PM | Message Detail
Well... okay.
*Opens up a 'marry me' booth*
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Jen
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:57:03 PM | Message Detail
*Jumps in*

*Locks Door*

*Gets hitched*
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!
From: Spardas Blade | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:58:06 PM | Message Detail
I pronounce you, Man, and Marry Me Booth
You may kiss the booth
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Whatever "stings for a second" on your face, burns like THE FIERY HOT BLAZES OF HELL on your balls! -richie259 (Referring to aftershave)
From: Anakin Solo | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:58:08 PM | Message Detail

Little old for that, isn't she?

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?Wait! Don't you want to talk first? You know, banter back and forth to show me your innate superiority?? ? Kyle Rayner, Superman: TAS
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:58:43 PM | Message Detail
*Gives back watch and underwear*

I think the other wedding was better, but oh well.
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:58:44 PM | Message Detail
Haha, okay fine. She's 16. She pissed on the floor to see if hard flooring would absorb it&lt;/lie&gt;
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Jen
From: Spardas Blade | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:59:56 PM | Message Detail
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 6:58:44 PM | Message Detail
Haha, okay fine. She's 16. She pissed on the floor to see if hard flooring would absorb it&lt;/lie&gt;

BONAR!
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Whatever "stings for a second" on your face, burns like THE FIERY HOT BLAZES OF HELL on your balls! -richie259 (Referring to aftershave)
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 8:03:09 PM | Message Detail
That's kinda yicky, hicky
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Jen
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 8:03:48 PM | Message Detail
Hmmm...

Can I marry your sister, too?
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 8:06:19 PM | Message Detail
Does she have to change her last name to Jackson, Micheal?
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Jen
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 8:06:58 PM | Message Detail
No, she, and you, can keep her (your) maiden name.
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 8:10:09 PM | Message Detail
Y'know I think this all started because my step brother pissed in the barn. Infront of her
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Jen
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 8:11:38 PM | Message Detail
Huh.

Did he pick it up from you?
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!
From: Salamander | Posted: 1/13/2004 8:12:55 PM | Message Detail
I usually go in the toilet. Speaking of which...
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Jen
From: glenn frog knight | Posted: 1/13/2004 8:13:40 PM | Message Detail
...Be there shortly?
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Est Solarus oth Mithas: My Honor is My Life
Is the proud Pet Frog of the Lance! I am the Bumson!

[Xellos]

I PWNED this girl at school today...
RankoChan (32): Board List | Topic List | Post New Message | Log Out | Help
From: DbzRockz | Posted: 1/13/2004 7:39:08 PM | Message Detail
Me: I called you yesterday. Why were you asleep at 8:30?

Girl: *looks around**makes bong motion*

Suddenly the smart ass inside me kicks in, so I act surprised and yell this:

Me: OHHH! YOU WERE SMOKING YOUR BONG!

Girl: *makes the shhh motion*

The teacher walks over and says something to her, which was followed by a trip to the office.

She just called and told me that she is suspended for an indefinite amount of time, and her parents are searching her room and taking her in for a drug test. If the test is positive, she's going to rehab.

SHE IS PISSED! Beware the super smart ass! ?_?&lt;-- evil face
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